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Uncle Monkey’s | Illiopolis IL – Facebook
Uncle Monkey’s, Illiopolis. 3846 likes · 15 talking about this · 2068 were here. Locally owned Chinese/American restaurant. Almost everything is made…
Uncle Monkeys: A Culinary Oasis in Illiopolis, IL
Uncle Monkeys. Welcome to Uncle Monkeys, an extraordinary gem tucked away at 100 Dye Rd, Illiopolis, IL 62539. This vibrant establishment seamlessly blends the …
Uncle Monkeys – Reviews, Photos & Phone Number – Updated …
Uncle Monkeys is a charming bar and grill located in Illiopolis, IL, offering a unique blend of American and Chinese cuisine. Patrons frequently praise the …
Reviews
John & Tracey Warren
Best Chinese Around, Chinese Horseshoe, phenomenal Wings…”Big Daddys” They have burgers, reg Horseshoes n more.
… moreLee Gurley
⭐️ 0/5 — Uncle Monkey’s Is the Worst Restaurant in Illinois
I don’t know what’s going on at Uncle Monkey’s in Illiopolis, but it might be the closest thing to culinary punishment this side of a county jail. The food is so bad I genuinely questioned my life choices walking out the door. Everything tasted like it was cooked last week and reheated under a heat lamp powered by sadness.
There were bugs everywhere — crawling on the walls, buzzing by the tables, and I swear one walked across my plate like it owned the place. I’m honestly impressed I didn’t walk out with food poisoning… yet. Still waiting for the delayed stomach explosion.
The service? Imagine being ignored, forgotten, and mildly insulted all at the same time. That’s the vibe. It’s like they’re doing you a favor by letting you sit there.
And for what they charge? Highway robbery. You’d think you were eating at a nice place in Chicago, not a health-inspection-waiting-to-happen in Illiopolis.
And let’s talk about the “horseshoe” the dish Illinois is known for. Uncle Monkey’s version is the single worst in the entire state. Cold fries, soggy bread, mystery cheese sauce that tastes like it was made in a science lab. It’s honestly disrespectful to the horseshoe tradition.
If you’re thinking about eating here… don’t. Go literally anywhere else. Eat gas station jerky. Chew on a boot. Anything would be an upgrade.
… moreI don’t know what’s going on at Uncle Monkey’s in Illiopolis, but it might be the closest thing to culinary punishment this side of a county jail. The food is so bad I genuinely questioned my life choices walking out the door. Everything tasted like it was cooked last week and reheated under a heat lamp powered by sadness.
There were bugs everywhere — crawling on the walls, buzzing by the tables, and I swear one walked across my plate like it owned the place. I’m honestly impressed I didn’t walk out with food poisoning… yet. Still waiting for the delayed stomach explosion.
The service? Imagine being ignored, forgotten, and mildly insulted all at the same time. That’s the vibe. It’s like they’re doing you a favor by letting you sit there.
And for what they charge? Highway robbery. You’d think you were eating at a nice place in Chicago, not a health-inspection-waiting-to-happen in Illiopolis.
And let’s talk about the “horseshoe” the dish Illinois is known for. Uncle Monkey’s version is the single worst in the entire state. Cold fries, soggy bread, mystery cheese sauce that tastes like it was made in a science lab. It’s honestly disrespectful to the horseshoe tradition.
If you’re thinking about eating here… don’t. Go literally anywhere else. Eat gas station jerky. Chew on a boot. Anything would be an upgrade.
Bob jake
⭐️ 0/5 — UNCLE MONKEY’S IS WHERE HOPE GOES TO DIE
If Dante wrote The Inferno today, the tenth circle of hell would be a booth at Uncle Monkey’s in Illiopolis. This place isn’t a restaurant, it’s a cry for help disguised as a business.
The food? I wouldn’t call it food. It’s more like a collection of warm objects pretending to be edible. Every bite tasted like the cook went on strike halfway through the recipe. Bland, burnt, raw, mushy, somehow all at once. My taste buds filed a complaint.
And the bug problem isn’t a bug problem… it’s a bug community. A thriving ecosystem. An entire insect metropolis with a higher population than the actual town. Flies, gnats, beetles. I’m pretty sure I saw something that hasn’t even been classified by science yet. One bug flew into my drink, took a sip, shook its head, and left. Even THEY know better.
I left the restaurant feeling like I should bathe in hand sanitizer and call the CDC just to be safe. Pretty solid chance of food poisoning. I’d rate it at least an 80% likelihood, maybe higher if you order anything labeled “special.”
The service is next-level awful. Our server didn’t just forget things, they forgot us. It felt like we were intruding on their day by trying to get, you know… the food we ordered. I’ve had more attentive conversations with self-checkout machines.
And then there’s the price. The audacity. The boldness. The sheer unhinged confidence to charge premium prices for this disaster. It’s like paying for a steakhouse and getting a gas station microwave burrito that somehow went wrong.
Finally, the “legendary” horseshoe. Honestly? Illinois should sue them. This thing is a disgrace. Soggy fries drowning in a cheese-like substance that tastes like melted school glue, slapped on top of a slab of meat that looked tired. You could put this thing in front of a starving coyote and it would politely decline.
If someone says “Let’s go to Uncle Monkey’s,” that’s not a suggestion — that’s a red flag. Cut ties immediately.
Uncle Monkey’s isn’t just the worst restaurant in Illinois… it’s the worst decision you can make on an empty stomach.
… moreIf Dante wrote The Inferno today, the tenth circle of hell would be a booth at Uncle Monkey’s in Illiopolis. This place isn’t a restaurant, it’s a cry for help disguised as a business.
The food? I wouldn’t call it food. It’s more like a collection of warm objects pretending to be edible. Every bite tasted like the cook went on strike halfway through the recipe. Bland, burnt, raw, mushy, somehow all at once. My taste buds filed a complaint.
And the bug problem isn’t a bug problem… it’s a bug community. A thriving ecosystem. An entire insect metropolis with a higher population than the actual town. Flies, gnats, beetles. I’m pretty sure I saw something that hasn’t even been classified by science yet. One bug flew into my drink, took a sip, shook its head, and left. Even THEY know better.
I left the restaurant feeling like I should bathe in hand sanitizer and call the CDC just to be safe. Pretty solid chance of food poisoning. I’d rate it at least an 80% likelihood, maybe higher if you order anything labeled “special.”
The service is next-level awful. Our server didn’t just forget things, they forgot us. It felt like we were intruding on their day by trying to get, you know… the food we ordered. I’ve had more attentive conversations with self-checkout machines.
And then there’s the price. The audacity. The boldness. The sheer unhinged confidence to charge premium prices for this disaster. It’s like paying for a steakhouse and getting a gas station microwave burrito that somehow went wrong.
Finally, the “legendary” horseshoe. Honestly? Illinois should sue them. This thing is a disgrace. Soggy fries drowning in a cheese-like substance that tastes like melted school glue, slapped on top of a slab of meat that looked tired. You could put this thing in front of a starving coyote and it would politely decline.
If someone says “Let’s go to Uncle Monkey’s,” that’s not a suggestion — that’s a red flag. Cut ties immediately.
Uncle Monkey’s isn’t just the worst restaurant in Illinois… it’s the worst decision you can make on an empty stomach.
Rachel Parsons
Well, it was a bar and they had Chinese food and I’m big on Chinese food, and they had some really good Chinese food, and my friend had a Philly cheesesteak without the bun.All my gosh so good.I will definitely be going back.
… moreSven Atterman
⭐️ 0/5 — UNCLE MONKEY’S SHOULD BE QUARANTINED, NOT OPEN FOR BUSINESS
I don’t say this lightly: Uncle Monkey’s in Illiopolis might be the worst restaurant in the entire Midwest. Maybe the whole country. Possibly the planet. If the Health Department ever stepped foot in here, they’d shut it down before finishing their first inhale.
The food? Absolute biohazard. I’ve eaten MREs that had more flavor and fewer warning signs. Everything tasted like it had been cooked by someone actively trying to get fired. Lukewarm, rubbery, questionable smells… the whole meal felt like a dare.
The bug situation is unreal. Not like “one fly you shoo away.” No, this is National Geographic level infestation. Gnats, flies, something with too many legs… I don’t know if I was eating dinner or starring in a nature documentary. One bug literally tried to crawl off my plate with a piece of my food. I let him have it — he needed it more than I did.
Service was a whole new dimension of awful. Our server moved like they were wading through wet cement and acted like bringing us silverware was optional. I’ve had better customer service yelling into a broken drive-thru intercom.
For the price they charge? Criminal. I’ve seen more reasonable numbers written on ransom notes. You walk out feeling robbed and somehow guilty for even showing up.
And the “horseshoe” , dear God. This so-called dish is a statewide embarrassment. It’s the culinary equivalent of a cry for help. The fries are soggy, the bread is sad, and the cheese sauce tastes like melted plastic and regret. I wouldn’t feed this to a raccoon, and raccoons will eat literal trash.
If you’re thinking about eating here, don’t. If someone gives you a gift card, burn it. If someone suggests Uncle Monkey’s for dinner, cut them out of your life. This place should come with a waiver, a warning label, and maybe a priest.
Uncle Monkey’s belongs in the Illinois Hall of Shame.
… moreI don’t say this lightly: Uncle Monkey’s in Illiopolis might be the worst restaurant in the entire Midwest. Maybe the whole country. Possibly the planet. If the Health Department ever stepped foot in here, they’d shut it down before finishing their first inhale.
The food? Absolute biohazard. I’ve eaten MREs that had more flavor and fewer warning signs. Everything tasted like it had been cooked by someone actively trying to get fired. Lukewarm, rubbery, questionable smells… the whole meal felt like a dare.
The bug situation is unreal. Not like “one fly you shoo away.” No, this is National Geographic level infestation. Gnats, flies, something with too many legs… I don’t know if I was eating dinner or starring in a nature documentary. One bug literally tried to crawl off my plate with a piece of my food. I let him have it — he needed it more than I did.
Service was a whole new dimension of awful. Our server moved like they were wading through wet cement and acted like bringing us silverware was optional. I’ve had better customer service yelling into a broken drive-thru intercom.
For the price they charge? Criminal. I’ve seen more reasonable numbers written on ransom notes. You walk out feeling robbed and somehow guilty for even showing up.
And the “horseshoe” , dear God. This so-called dish is a statewide embarrassment. It’s the culinary equivalent of a cry for help. The fries are soggy, the bread is sad, and the cheese sauce tastes like melted plastic and regret. I wouldn’t feed this to a raccoon, and raccoons will eat literal trash.
If you’re thinking about eating here, don’t. If someone gives you a gift card, burn it. If someone suggests Uncle Monkey’s for dinner, cut them out of your life. This place should come with a waiver, a warning label, and maybe a priest.
Uncle Monkey’s belongs in the Illinois Hall of Shame.
Tommy K
The amount of money this place has lost from me over the years, because they don’t care to pick up the phone, is wild. Call for takeout 3 or 4 times. Nobody answers. So I give up and do something different. This scenario has happened at least a dozen times in the last 4 years. Tonight, after not being able to get through, I decided to order at the bar. 15 minutes before someone acknowledged me. Meanwhile the phone is ringing off the hook and the guy behind the bar is meandering around, sipping his drink, not even reaching for it. Woman next to me had been waiting a hour. Finally just gave up and left. I’m done with this place. I’ve given them so many chances cuz the food is decent. But I can’t anymore.
… moreStephanie Williams
Great spot for a bite to eat some comfort foods. Staff are amazing too!
… moreBilly Thielemann
Food was great, the tenderloin horseshoe was huge, service was the best, can’t wait to go back to try more
… moreJosh Kogel
Awesome place to eat and play pool…the bartenders are great also.
… moreJoe Chase
I’ve lived out this way a few times over the years and that sauce on the Mongolian beef, thankfully, tastes the same. I’ve had that homemade sauce on burgers, cheese fries and even a Philly. I just moved back into town yesterday and couldn’t help myself. They made me some wings tonight coated in the stuff and they were awesome. Sure I do love the sauce but the food is still great too. Thanks for the consistency guys.
… more